textileowl: (Default)
Edit: This took a while to read since work was busy and there was the whole New Year's thing in between. Here it is,  not necessarily the same thing I was going to write before, but it's is what came out today.

This will probably be long and rambling, as I read this yesterday and saw lots of parallels to my relationship to Pyr, his to Drgn, and mine to Drgn as well. I may not fall on the spectrum as heavily as either of them but the same pitfalls mark areas in which there needs to be work.

Now, I'm not necessarily considered to have Asperger's, I exhibit similar traits but don't actually have enough or severely enough to be considered Aspie. For a visual reference, here is Pyr's test from 2007 when we were first discovering what having Asperger's meant. Here is my test from this morning, since I can't find the one I took at the same time. The earlier one was more centrist, bumping out at communication like it does on the new one.

Things in italics are from the above article.

From the beginning, their physical relationship was governed by the peculiar ways their respective brains processed sensory messages. Like many people with autism, each had uncomfortable sensitivities to types of touch or texture, and they came in different combinations.

Pyr prefers a touch that is firm and sustained, it took me a long time to figure out that that is why he moves away at night if my foot or hand brushes up against him. I still have to remind myself of that, and it is not something that is reflecting on me or our relationship.
 
To him, kissing felt like what it was, he told her: mashing your face against someone else’s. Neither did he like the sweaty feeling of hand-holding, a sensation that seemed to dominate all others whenever they tried it.

On the other side, this is pretty close to how I feel physically when being in an intimate situation with DRGN. Normally, I like kissing and being affectionate, but for whatever reason with her I have a harder time with these.

Girls with the condition, one theory went, were overlooked because their shyness was tolerated more and “mother hen” friends might shield them from the worst social isolation, as had happened to Kirsten

Yes, this. Looking at my own childhood, I don't wonder if I wouldn't have tested more for having Aspergers when I was much younger than I do now. I was a much less social person, spending most of my time reading - sometimes very specific subjects when I was younger - Greek myths, world myths in general, dinosaurs, Mayans, Egyptian archaeology etc.

“Parents always ask, ‘Who would like to marry my kid? They’re so weird,’ ” she said. “But, like, another weird person, that’s who.”

I love this quote. It's completely the thing everyone of us needs to hear. Being weird isn't a bad thing, finding someone like you isn't difficult. You just need to accept who you are and who they are and how you interact together.


textileowl: (Default)
This week has been sorta rough. My sister in law discovered her husband has been cheating on her. He's depressed and has been a very different person than the one most of us have known since they've been married. Thankfully, in the last couple of days, there has been a recognition of the problems and they are going to try and figure things out.

I've had a bunch of different emotions about the whole mess. One, disappointment in him - that he couldn't see past his own issues to communicate them before he went to far. Two - A small teensy bit of  schadenfreude when I compare their relationship tp mine and the differences that were so abhorrent to my sister in law - being poly and open with our communication - have actually stood up to their scrutiny, and now hypocrisy from her husband - who could barely be in the same room with us and our girlfriend and be civil.

It' sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do, and if he needs to do it by himself or with his wife has yet to be determined. But thankfully, my sister-in-law may yet regain some of the relationship with us that she lost by pushing us away with her ideals and demands on who we should be. Pyralis, I think, is hoping this will happen, as not being as close with his sister has made things a bit rough and even I remember that she is a cool and fun person underneath the mask she thinks she requires to be normal.
textileowl: (Default)
This may  not be completely coherent, and I apologize for that but it needs to be said.

What is the difference between these two sentences??


On Monday, the State of Ohio legally recognized the marriage of Jeff and Jessica.

Jeff and I got married on Monday.


The first sentence is what happened, the second is how people are conveying what happened. The problem is, Jeff and I have considered ourselves married for at least a year - closer to two. Only since the 2004 election does the State have to actually recognize this union as a binding contract, which gave us no options as to determining our own personal and private relationship with each other and having it affect the aspects of life that benefit from the legal marriage : insurances, medical decisions such as DNR and other serious issues.

This has caused people all over to congratulate us, Jeff's sister (SIL) to berate us for not inviting people to what we consider a private decision, and a general feeling of hypocrisy to permeate myself. I was already married, long before we decided to go to the court house. Why is this simple meeting with a judge any more significant than the five years I have been in a relationship with Jeff? Three of those years we have been committed to each other and while not exclusive - in the belief that we were spending the rest of our lives together, planning on raising children and healthy relationships with the people we love/ will love.

I hate the feeling that this was the only way to protect our own interests. That there is no option for us but marriage because we certainly don't trust family ( though mostly Jeff's) to understand our beliefs enough to respect them and protect them even when we disagree. And that, in the long run would have been a dangerous thing to trust to them. Jeff's health isn't fantastic, and accidents happen, we both wanted people we could trust in the corner should decisions like DNR's become required.

And another thing. You do not insult a person in the same argument when you are trying to convince them you are right and they are wrong. It will make your argument invalid for bringing your personal opinion of the person into the conversation. No amount of perseverance, playing nice or apologies will ever make me believe you again once I understand how you really think of me. I will be polite and respectful but your opinion no longer matters, if it ever did. You've become the bully, and I don't allow them into my life. Not anymore.
textileowl: (Default)
We have too much stuff. And it's partly my fault. In the continued effort of organizing our apartment and trying to make a one bedroom flat store the same amount that the two bedroom townhouse with basement did, I concede that having the loveseat and the futon in the living room takes up too much space. The loveseat needs to go, it's a unitasker for all that it is comfortable and sits high. I complain that the futon is too low to move from, but mostly I'm lazy and need to be more flexible. We need the space that the futon currently lives in to have a place for the sewing machine, or at least for storage. Maybe move the desk that the TV is on over there and find something not as bulky for the tv and media equipment? Or is the desk too high to comfortably sew on? The serger could go on the typewriter shelf!! This bears more discussion with Jeff once he sees this.  Hmm, maybe the tv could go back on the little table and the treadle could become the side table ....or vice versa with the treadle as the tv stand....

We need to go through the fabric, cull and organize. Or at least ponder projects to use the fabric we have. I had the brief thought of using the box of samples in a quilt or something similar. ( This is your fault, [livejournal.com profile] skylark913 ! You and your invasive quilting habits!) It would knock out a bunch of them rather quickly. Boxes need to be aquired that fit the shelving and can hold quantities of fabric. The current underbed boxes we have don't fit well at all. And the cats will fur everything up if we don't box it up. All I can find on fabric storage is usually geared towards small quantities of fabric, quilters and the like or of unlimited space to store bulk fabric. We don't have the space for rolls of fabric, not and make it easily accessible. It'll take some playing and actual determination to do make things organized. It's been hard having the energy to work on it, but I'm going to try and change that.

In other organizing news, we got the bookshelves up in the living room, the kitchen shelves up and in there we also put up metal shelving, like what people usually put in their closets, in between the two cabinets we have. They overhang the sink and now our drying dishes can drip into the sink and not clutter up the countertop! It has been a delight to have that space back, although I don't know quite what to do with it yet.  The bookshelves still need some sorting, maybe a couple of shallower shelves for the paper backs.

It's looking like the budding relationship that was developing over the fall is a bust, at least for me. She's fallen hard for Jeff and out of interest with me. So much so, that she isn't even speaking to me. I'm apparently obnoxious and disliked, having been compared to a tv ( noisy, distracting and interfering) so much so that even trying to like me for Jeff's sake is not worth it. Talk about making a girl feel unloved. By the time I am willing to make any relationship work with her, she's given up and deemed it too hard. I guess we'll see how this works out eventually, Jeff still hopes something will work but he's also fallen pretty hard for her, even through the smoke and mirrors she puts up so that what we see of her is hid away so much even he is unsure of her feelings toward him.

In the workplace, I'll have been working here for a year on Friday. Which is awesome, I'm relatively secure in my position here and as long as this year continue better than last, I hope to continue working here for a long time. My review is tomorrow, I'm kinda excited and yet scared to see what the bosses are going to say. It's routine enough that I can prepare for the catastrophes that happen every once in a while, but not too stressful or boring. We're still planning on moving the office by April, but we haven't found a place yet that really fits. March is gearing up to be pretty busy, there are a couple of large events that happen all in the third weekend which will make logistics hilariously scary to deal with. Half of our office will be away and the world is bound to explode that weekend.

Profile

textileowl: (Default)
textileowl

January 2012

S M T W T F S
1 234 567
891011121314
15161718192021
2223 24 25262728
293031    

Syndicate

RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags