textileowl: (Default)
This may  not be completely coherent, and I apologize for that but it needs to be said.

What is the difference between these two sentences??

On Monday, the State of Ohio legally recognized the marriage of Jeff and Jessica.

Jeff and I got married on Monday.

The first sentence is what happened, the second is how people are conveying what happened. The problem is, Jeff and I have considered ourselves married for at least a year - closer to two. Only since the 2004 election does the State have to actually recognize this union as a binding contract, which gave us no options as to determining our own personal and private relationship with each other and having it affect the aspects of life that benefit from the legal marriage : insurances, medical decisions such as DNR and other serious issues.

This has caused people all over to congratulate us, Jeff's sister (SIL) to berate us for not inviting people to what we consider a private decision, and a general feeling of hypocrisy to permeate myself. I was already married, long before we decided to go to the court house. Why is this simple meeting with a judge any more significant than the five years I have been in a relationship with Jeff? Three of those years we have been committed to each other and while not exclusive - in the belief that we were spending the rest of our lives together, planning on raising children and healthy relationships with the people we love/ will love.

I hate the feeling that this was the only way to protect our own interests. That there is no option for us but marriage because we certainly don't trust family ( though mostly Jeff's) to understand our beliefs enough to respect them and protect them even when we disagree. And that, in the long run would have been a dangerous thing to trust to them. Jeff's health isn't fantastic, and accidents happen, we both wanted people we could trust in the corner should decisions like DNR's become required.

And another thing. You do not insult a person in the same argument when you are trying to convince them you are right and they are wrong. It will make your argument invalid for bringing your personal opinion of the person into the conversation. No amount of perseverance, playing nice or apologies will ever make me believe you again once I understand how you really think of me. I will be polite and respectful but your opinion no longer matters, if it ever did. You've become the bully, and I don't allow them into my life. Not anymore.


textileowl: (Default)

January 2012

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